Friday, May 27, 2011

She Who Has The Magic And Cursed Me With Her Charm

Assalamualaikum and good morning

The title shows it all. It is about a woman. Yet again, not them, not the other girls but only her. Why her and not the others? It is simply because she's still staying here right in my heart for a long time rather than those women that broke my heart.

She doesn't have to jinx me with her witch pot

So, what's so special about her? She's still a Malay, Muslim like many of the other girls in my university, school, work place, shopping complex and other places. Why she can still staying in my heart for 4 years and I am willingly wait her her for 5-6 more years?

The first answer would be because of her faith in Islam

That's the first thing that crossed to my mind when talking about girls we should marry with. That's why I'm highlighting this thing, because to me, and the other Muslims, it is important. I do believe that her faith and believe in Islam is more than the other girls that I met before. By looking at her appearance, you would know it by simply looking at her way of dressing:

Hand socks that ensures the aurah (restricted body areas for muslims) to be covered

Socks that covers the feet which is an aurah area

And last but not least, a long and big scarf. Not only to cover the hair, but also the shoulders and chest
(This is not her, it is a dummy for God sake..hahaha)

I know that many of you or my other friends would say that I'm not suitable to have this kind of woman to be my wife. Well, I believe that everyone in Earth would want perfectness in their life. That's it, everyone. No matter how bad are your attitude (like me), no matter how ugly your face are (also like me), how stupid are you with your brain (like me too), you're still hoping for the perfectness, and the best in our life.

The other factors that made her my choice, for such a long time is, she somehow can sooth my heart through her words (although the words are in text forms, and not through verbal). She's the only that can make me feel like my chest is tightening, and I can feel there's an invisible hand squeezing my heart when she made me frustrated. The worst time was when I knew that she was in love with one guy and the guy also responded with the same feeling, I felt in sick for almost a week. I have some sort of fever on each night on that week. Amazingly it happened only during nights and for a few months, I felt so downed to the earth. That's when I started to smoke that I believed can help me out of the problem.

I know we would've been compared like heaven and earth because I am not a very good guy to make her as my wife. I know maybe it is too early to discuss this issue. But I would like if she know that I am damn serious about her. She already knew that I'm in love with her, four years ago, but she's still didn't gave me any rigid answer and that's why I have to keep waiting for an answer, from her, an answer that I am really longing for until this very second. I already kept this feeling deep in my heart and it is hard to pull it out. It is already to turn back. I must continue what I have started.

I already built a mountain of hope and in a process of climbing it....I hope she won't kick me off when I reached the peak or when I was still climbing it

I know that she is too clever to be with me, with an extremely good result in SPM (High School Public Examination) and she's now studying medic abroad. While I got a C+ for chemistry and I'm now studying in the art stream, I also realized that I too am stupid to be compared with her. But I am now pursuing my degree in TESL, degree in education. I can be teacher, like her father, who was retired. And the fun fact is, my parents knew her parents and vice versa, but her parents didn't know about us. Only my mum knows but I didn't gave her the details. Ah, before I forget, her hometown is in Kulim, Kedah. I mean, her grandparents and stuffs. So she's like me, all my relatives and grandparents are in Kulim. That's mean I won't have any problem regarding celebrating Eid evey year because we are gonna go to the same place. =P
Rather than couples who are having problems in celebrating Eid, as their hometowns are not the same. One of them is at the northern region of Malaysia and the other one is at southern region. That will bring them headache.

So, no matter how many girls that I'll meet later or the girls that I've already met, they will only make me remember her more. Why? When I'm trying to 'move-on', if I can win their heart, somehow I still remembered her. And I can't focus with my new relationship. Or even worser, when I like someone than I was disappointed by them, then I think of her again and again. I knew those girls will be out of her league but somehow I like them. Their presence will only make my feelings stronger towards her.

In my journey to wait for her, I must change myself to be a better man as in the holy Quran says, "Good women are meant to be with good men". But I must bare in my mind that I am changing for Allah, for my family, future children and for her. I also must work hard in order to save my money, for her, in the future.

We share the same sky, the same sun. I hope wherever she is right now, studying in her room, in the lecture hall or whatsoever, she will keep me in her heart and mind. Because I already told her that I am really serious with her and I know she's still acknowledge it until now. I really hope she will accept me although I am not as good as she is, and I am not a perfect man for her. But I really want her to be my future wife. =')

To settle down and get married at the age of 24 or 25, that's my goal. I don't want to build huge age gaps between me and my children. And perhaps, my wife would be her. Because I believe she can be a good mother for my children. I love her with all my heart.

W, I really love you, I really do. And I want to be with you. It's you who I chose long time ago. Sorry if I ever made you feel uneasy in your life. You are the only one who can let my guard down.

Monday, May 23, 2011

I'm Fired !!!

Assalamulaikum and good morning

It has been a while, yet again. This time I managed to find some time to write for a new entry.
Yeah, indeed.

Oh yeah...I can feel the laser beam right through my heart !

I was working like hell during last month. I didn't have enough time for blogging and as the result, I can feel the weights on my fingers when typing this entry. =.=

I admit that I came late to work, I ditched some hours of work, but then if I got caught, that's just me with the supervisor. On last Friday, 20th of May, I received an Short Message Service (SMS) from my supervisor that it is my last day already. Simply because they said that my time didn't match with theirs. I just asked my supervisor and boss to get back earlier from 21st-23rd of May because I want to help my father in the stall, which sells Bakso. The roadshow for that week requires me to work from 11 a.m. until 10 p.m. and I ask them if I ever get the chance to finish my work at 6 p.m. They said that they will discuss about it later on. Surprisingly, the result is, when I get back from work, I received the SMS. =.=

At first, I can't accept the fact that I've been fired. Well, I got to pay my mom RM600 because I borrowed her money and I have to pay RM1200 for the PS3 because I already deposited RM300 for it...
The salary that I will received is just around RM700 I think and where can I find the remaining money for my mom and PS3?

Now I already accept that I'm jobless and I need to find a new job. I must believe in faith and Allah S.W.T will always beside me to help me out in life, although truth hurts a lot. Maybe He destroys my plan and maybe He wants to replace it with a better one. Who knows right?

The things that I want to focus right now are:
1. The Malaysian Education Inventory Selection (MEdSI) interview on this coming 29th of May (This is regarding my future because I want to be a teacher)

2. How to pay RM1200 to the game shop (Maybe I ask my brother for some money)

3. To settle down RM600 for my mother (I don't want her to be in a deep problem regarding money)

May Allah S.W.T helps me dealing with these problems, and at the same time I must help myself out of these problems.

P.S : No more purple shirt, 6 days a week. Goodbye fellow friends