Friday, February 24, 2012

The Pain is Not in Vain

Assalamualaikum and good evening everyone

Humans are always have their painful memories, events and moments in their life. The pain will actually give colours in our life. It will happen that those things will actually add values and give meanings to our life. As a normal human being, I also could not escape from many kinds of pain in my life.

Maybe it's time for me to reduce nagging and complaining about my life to other people. I should pray and raise my hand to perform du'a to reduce the pain in my heart. Tell Him everything that I feel, what I want from Him, ask Him to make me stronger to face the problems. I already knew that He knows what my heart feels, and what I'm going to say in my du'a, but that doesn't mean that I can just tell him straight away from my heart. Du'a is still essential in order to ask for something beyond your capability, a proper and a formal way I should say although you can whisper it in your heart. Yes, Allah can hear what our heart whispers.

In Surah Qaf (The Letter) in al-Quran (also known as Koran), verse 16 states that;

"It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his soul makes to him: for We are nearer to him than (his) jugular vein."

So Allah knows every detail about what we're thinking and our heart tells us to do. Whether it is good or bad.

And yet, what we can actually do, despite of all the sadness that we are going through, we must be patient and try to engage the level of 'Sobrun Jamil' which means the highest level of patience. The perfect patience or the most beautiful patience. This is because, Sobrun means patience and Jamil means beautiful.

We can start by saying few words that may motivate us. Say 'Alhamdulillah', which means Praise to God. Be thankful for the slight 'pain'/'test' that He gave. It is only a small thing in our life, and we must be grateful that we have not been tested in heavier tasks. We also must be grateful as the test may change us, and leads us to something that we could have not imagine. Who knows except Allah, right?

Say 'Insya-Allah' which means 'If God Wills it' too. If God (Allah) wills, we can find a way to find a solution for the problem or the sadness. And at the same time, we also must strive very hard to turn things for the better.

"Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves."

Verse 11, Surah Ar-Ra'd (The Thunder), Al-Quran (Koran).

So, we already bare in mind that we have to think positive of the pain that Allah gives us in life. You guys can also look into verse 286 in chapter 2, and verse 2 & 3 in chapter 24. These words of God may help to motivate you. It is time to get along with the second 'pain'...

The first pain would be the falling of ourselves in the test. Which includes heartache, physical pain, other people look down at you, etc. For example, you sprained your ankle (physical pain) and been scold for bad attitude (heartache) That would be the first wave. Now, the second wave that maybe more painful, is the effort that we have to put in a consistent way. For the ankle, maybe you need massage sessions and for the bad attitude, you need to change yourself to become a better person.

It is a simple math;
1 pain (1st wave) + 1 pain (2nd wave) = 2 ( Two times the pleasure of success)

The pain that we have to bear and suffer right now doesn't mean we have to face another pain in the future. He gives us the pleasure to taste a bit bitter before he gives you the pleasure of sweetness in the form of success or happiness. Think positively and act wisely starting right now!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Story of a Home-Made Ice Cube for a Milo

Assalamualaikum and good morning.

There was a night, which I craved for a good iced Milo to quench my thirst to stay up all night long, waiting for the football match of Liverpool, I guess. So, I looked up in the refrigerator and there was no ice cubes left, so I took a special container in the refrigerator to make an ice cube. I can't make it as ice cubes because there are no partitions in the container to make small and numerous ice cubes. I can only make a huge one and smash it up to small pieces when I want to use it in my drink. So I poured some water in the container and let it became an ice cube in the refrigerator's uppermost compartment. I had already drinking cold drinks at the evening, but I still want the Milo.

Few hours later, I thought the ice cube was ready, so I boiled some water. I took a big mug, put some sweetened condensed milk (susu pekat manis in Malay language) and few spoons of Milo in it. After awhile, I put the new-boiled hot water into the mug and I stir it. Hmmm...The Milo sure tastes good as I take a sip of it. >.<

I was so desperate to drink the iced Milo, so I took the ice cube that I have made, and I look at it with a full of hope that this is the last step of making the iced Milo, and after this I can drink it until the last drop! I took a mortar and smacked the ice cube and it was only then I realised that, only the outer part of it has been frozen, but not inside. The inside of the ice cube remains a cold water, and unfortunately I can use a small amount of ice in my Milo... :(

I thought that few hours of waiting would make the water to freeze and become ice cube, but I was wrong. It took more time than I expected. The same thing goes for our life. We may expect with an effort in such a short while, we can achieve what we have dreamed before. Some things need time. Fruits need time to become ripe, body fats need time and consistency in exercise so that they can be burned out of our body. When we fall asleep, we do need a lot of time before we can wake up in a refreshing moment. People also need some time to mend their broken heart, so that they can realise all the events happened in our life are based on the God's will. We do need time to change ourselves to become more mature everyday in order to face the coming days in our life. Every effort in life must be consistent so that we can achieve a good result, and it may take some time but you must keep it going on and on.

No matter how delicious my Milo became at the first place, the ice cube sure disappoints me a lot because it was not fully frozen yet. So I can only use it a little bit. I choose a big mug to satisfy myself, put a good portion of sweet condensed milk and Milo, but I failed to make it cold due to the incomplete ice cube.
Yeah, we may put a good effort, but in the end, it is He who determined whether the effort is worth enough to get a good ending or not. If you may have a bad result of your effort, you can always try again and if you succeed, don't get too cocky. Don't ever think that when you achieve success, God loves you. And don't ever think that when you have failed, God hates you. It can be that the success is a test given to you, to identify your attitude, whether you will go overboard or not. If it is a failure, it is a test given to you, to identify your determination, whether you keep on trying and change yourself or not. :)

As I smacked the ice cube, I can't see whether the inner part has become frozen completely or not. Some people may look nice on the outside but not in the inside, and vice versa. We always judge people on the outside and make a full comprehensive analysis out of them. I don't say that we can't judge by the outside at all, the physical appearance can be seen, and it can actually reflect his or her attitude. Maybe for the first sight, it is okay to make an overall assumption about the person, but you have to make a progression by become closer to that person. If you don't do that, throw away the assumption and if you heard from your friends about bad things that the person had done, you can't judge him/her recklessly. You can't judge people from other people's judgement. So, not all people who are good looking on the outside (handsome, beautiful, religious-looking, smart) are good in the inside. And not all the people who are not good looking on the outside (ugly, dark complexion, chubby, looks messy, don't look so religious) are not good in the inside. Who knows there are certain things deep inside them that we have not discovered yet~

Now, those are my views about what happened between me and the ice cube. Alhamdulillah it reminds me a lot about life. Wise man says, "Even if there is a mosquito bites you, if you are alert and conscious, you can notice about the lesson that God wants to provide."
May the simple story bring meaningful lessons to me and you guys. Insya-Allah... ^_^

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Long Time No See...Sorry...

Assalamualaikum and good morning.

It has been awhile...I stopped blogging since August 2011 if I'm not mistaken, due to my laziness and I am too busy handling my procrastination. So, I was hoping that with a lil bit of change in my blog will increase my passion in writing. But, it turned to be that it's hard to change the background, and I have to choose one of the backgrounds that the Blogger has provided. It is much easier that way rather than searching for pictures in Google Images, download it to my laptop and then upload it to my blog, because I am a little bit choosy and they're limiting the size of the picture. The maximum size would be 300kb. -.-" you guys can see, I changed the font so that you guys can easily read it. I have lots of comments especially from my friends, saying that it is quite hard to read with the previous font. I made up my mind and I change it, although I have to make few adjustments to some of my guitar-learning posts.

I also need to put labels in this blog so that people can easily search for the related articles, but I am daft and apparently I still don't figure how to make labels. *sigh*

Well that's now from me, and Insya-Allah I will be actively post new things in here. Hope it will new and interesting posts that may give us some benefits. I will try my best not to post lots of stupid and rubbish things in my blog anymore.

Thanks to you guys who keep on reading this inactive blog. See ya later~

I found this picture when I was busy searching for the background picture. Lol. Hopefully I can have the spirit to continue my life just like him. :)

Sunday, August 28, 2011

It's almost Raya. Isn't it?

Assalamualaikum and good morning

It's already 28th of Ramadan and after this we as Muslims gonna celebrate Eid or in Malay, Hari Raya.
And seriously I think I'm not gonna celebrate it too much this year. Maybe I think I don't deserve to celebrate the month of celebrations, after a month fasting from dawn to the dusk, everyday. But with exception for those who cannot fast in Ramadan for various reasons.

For kids, celebrating Raya would be meaningful IF they are fasting for the whole month, eventhough they didn't reach puberty yet.
I looked upon myself and asked myself.
I'm already 19 going 20, but then I only manage to fast, but not really doing things that may help me in gaining rewards or deeds from Allah S.W.T. such as Taraweeh prayer, recite the holy Quran, etc.
These things really make me awful as I can't keep on the momentum, and discipline myself in doing all those.
It should be like this...

Raya (kids) : 30 days of fasting
Raya (youth and adults) : 30 days of fasting + plus other things that lead to deeds/rewards

That's why I'm not enjoying Raya this time. I feel ashamed of myself. A LOT.

One more thing, I'm going to further my studies in UiTM. Yes, again. Last time I studied foundation in TESL for two semesters, and I'm on my way for degree in TESL.

Same course,
Same college (insya-Allah, I really hope I can stay in Meranti College until the end of degree),
Same faculty
Same university

For 5 years...=l
A year of foundation and 4 years of degree.

Here am I, 'busy' going online, playing video games, and handling these documents. *sigh*

Not to forget, I must get 3.5  and above because I already promised to her.
But actually I must get 3.75 above to enable me to change the PTPTN loan into scholarship and get the opportunity to study overseas. That's my dream, and if there's God will, I will bring her along with me.

And yeah, it's more than a month we've been together. I really hope we can make it until the end of our life.
27th of July is the date. I love you. Sorry for not being there for you. I'll change. I promise.

Anyway, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri for you guys. Forgive me for all the wrongdoings okay?

P.S : I think I already 'retired' drom playing firecrackers, and that's why I can't stand hearing those firecrackers explodes. xD

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Just To Relieve Myself =) [Part II]

Assalamualaikum and good morning

This is the continuation from the previous post, Just to reduce the pain that I feel inside...

X...she is still thinking about her ex-boyfriend. But I learned that the boy won't come back for her for several reasons. But she never gives up and I don't want her to hurt herself. The first time I liked her when she was another boy from her university, lets call him L. When she was still with L, I am the one who listened to her problems, helping her too. At that particular time, I was pitying her for her love problems and suddenly in my heart, I said that I won't hurt her feelings anymore if I had the chance to be with her.

But when I was too busy with my life, there comes her latest ex-boyfriend that she couldn't resist until now. So lets call him N. N leave him and make her life miserable. If I'm right, she got a total of 3 boyfriends that have made her life miserable, but I only mentioning two of them out of three.

I just won't do that to her...T_T...But now I'm hurt, deeply inside. She had made an incision to my heart as I was trying my best to mend her broken heart, to wipe her tears...I just wanna make her happy...But she still wants to end our relationship.

I just wanna be her hero...To make her happy. But when she did this to me, I am in pain, in a deep pain. I know that she still loves me, miss me because I love her and miss her too. She didn't want to be honest with herself by forcing herself to end this relationship. That's the worst part. Before this I'm in love with girls too, but they didn't want to accept my love and love me back. But X is different. Totally different and that's why my feelings for her growth rapidly and it just wouldn't stop.T_T....And for girls that accidentally in love with me, I'm sorry that I just can't create any love feeling for you guys...I'm sorry...My bad...

Here I am now craving for her love as I love her so much. I want to end her suffer. I don't want her to stuck up with other guys hurt herself again...I just can't let that happen...I want her to be safe with me. But if X and N goes back together, it's alright because I know N is better than me. The problem is, N would never go back to X. I don't want her to keep sad just because of N and to be hurt in the future, with other guys. I am sincerely loving her because I want to these things from happening.

She treats me like a man. I stopped smoking from 1st of August because of her. I'm afraid that if I am too much in pain, I will light up the cigarette back. Only she can stop me from doing this....I don't want to smoke, but the pain inside my chest, it is in my heart, forcing me to smoke to put out myself from heartache...T_T...I am like standing on a cliff and if I jump, I smoke again...only she can hold my hand, pull me close to her, and embrace me...

I don't want to jump...but...

She said I'm too good for her. I feel the opposite. I am not the best for her, but I want to make her happy with all my might. I've never been loved by a girl like this before. That's why I love her so much. I'm hoping that she will accept me back into her life as I feel very lonely and I'm hurt for every second, literally.

For now...I am so sad.

I'm failing...take my hand, I'll be there for you as long you don't leave me

Not Yet...

Assalamualaikum and good morning

This post is about the person that I love, Mama. She's the one who took care of me in her house, she's my neighbor, she's my nanny basically.
But, all the love, care and attention from her, have made me and her family become close to me, until now.
You guys can go this link:
I already wrote about the close relationship between me and them.

On the 21st of July 2011, I went to my brother's house in Subang because I was informed by Kakak Na and Kakak Rin that Mama was sick. I arrived in Shah Alam around 6 am, and later on, I went to University Malaya Medical Center (UMMC) in the evening. And after that day, I went to UMMC for almost every day until  30th of July. Except for Saturday and Sunday because I helped my brother, selling drinks to the immigrants from Bangladesh, Nepal, Philippine, Myanmar and Indonesia who came to line up at the Immigration Building in Putrajaya to sign in as legal workers.

Sometimes I went as early as 8 a.m., and sometimes I went during afternoon because I woke up late. I will go back to my brother's house around 6 p.m. until 8 p.m., depends on my mood. I had to face lousy cars, busy roads, full of jam, and not forget to mention, some stupid and uncivilized drivers who raised my blood pressure when I was riding my brother's bike. The journey took me around 30 minutes to 45 minutes, depending on the condition of the road.

I have to pass through all of these to visit Mama. I just want to show my love to her, and I want to spend my time for her remaining life. That's my intention from the beginning. Because I have to face the reality, the truth about life....and the truth hurts. Truth is always bitter. Kakak Na and Kakak Rin wouldn't tell me her real condition until I had to ask the doctor myself. They said that her team is only providing comfort and lessen her pain while she was still alive. The cancer spread to her backbone and liver. Back in 2009, the breast cancer was in level 2, she did her chemotherapy few times until she was bald. I thought it was the end. But unfortunately in early 2011, she had a backbone disease that makes her can't move around. She only can lie down on her bed.

14th of July is the date when she was admitted into the hospital. At first she was fine because she still can talk and made some jokes. Later on the doctor gave her such a massive amount of Morphine and she was sleeping all day long. It's like she was unconscious and only opened up her eyes sometimes. When I came, her face was already yellow, this is due to the cancer cells which have spread to her liver, and also backbone. It was at the level 4 for God sake.

I took care of her. Gave her drinks when she needs it. Holding her cold hands and fingers. I managed to kiss her cheek although she was sleeping at that very moment. My tears were covering my eyes as her tears were rolling down her cheeks. I didn't want her to be tortured like that. Her pain is almost unbearable. I can see it through her eyes, listening from the words coming from her mouth. Painkillers were given in a right dose as the doctors don't want her to be too relaxed, she will sleep all day long or if the dose is less, she will be in pain.

When she had already completed her antibiotic, the doctor said that she can be taken to home because only painkillers will be provided until the rest of her remaining life. It was also the time where Kakak Rin and Kakak Na have to make a right decision and at the same time , she doesn't open her eyes. She sleeps all the day. She doesn't want to eat and drink anything. On the third day she was acting like that, that was the day she closed her eyes forever. 30th of July 2011 at the age of 55.

Sad face is all I can give

I rushed to Sungai Buloh that afternoon, to her house. Her body will arrive around 5 p.m. and I arrived at 3.40 p.m. I saw many of her relatives that I knew before, and some that I didn't recognize. I also met some  of my old neighbors from Quarters of Agriculture Department in Serdang. I smoked. I didn't eat a thing since morning. Mama's nephew, Nazmi bought me an orange juice. Her body arrived, I only can look from outside of the house, there were too many people. After she got bathed (Muslim's body must be bathed before buried), I was unable to carry her body into the van, which will later on bring her to the nearest Mosque to get prayed. I went there by car and I when we arrived, they already finished praying for her and headed to the graveyard. There, I saw many people burst into tears. But I just don't know why I can't help myself, crying for her.

That night, I went back to my brother's house...I still didn't cry until now. I don't know why... But it  makes me uneasy as it makes me feel I'm not a normal person. But when I think about it deeply, I know that I had already given her my best, by accompanying her through her remaining life. Many people that met me when she was sick and the day she died told me that my name was always coming out of her mouth before she was sick. She loves me, and I love her too. I want her to be with us, throughout my life, but I can't stand looking her condition like that. The pain was so unbearable that I was thinking that I am letting her to go to meet Allah, because Allah loves her more than I do.

Until now...I didn't cry yet. Not yet.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Mysterious Heroes Are Always Cool

Assalamualaikum and good evening.

Yeah! Suddenly I got the guts to carry on my responsibilities to post new entries in this blog! >.<
Okay, stop playing around. =)

Kamen Rider or Masked Rider is one of my favorite masked heroes. Because they're mysterious in a way and it is cool!!!

The title says it all. Mysterious heroes are always cool. Seriously. Heroes are everywhere. They are all around you actually. It is you who don't discover them yet. Eventhough they can't fly, they can't lift heavy objects easily, that doesn't mean that they cannot be our heroes. Heroes are not just in comic books. People around you can be your heroes when you respect them more than other people.

The story starts when I went for for Taraweeh prayer, last week I guess. Taraweeh prayer is a special prayer for Muslims in Ramadan month. After we finished Isha' (night) prayer, we stop for a while, to hear for a talk from the committee members of the mosque. He talked a lot, but this one attracts me from sleeping while sitting, waiting for the Taraweeh prayer.

"There's a slave of Allah who comes infront, in the first row for almost every Taraweeh prayer. He's a good man, a man who have a strong heart and soul. Because he used to be a normal person, just like us. Starts his motorcycle with right leg and parked it with his left leg. But Allah tested him. He was given a disease (diabetes) an he had to cut off one of his legs. He's heart is strong, indeed, because I still seeing him coming everyday for Taraweeh prayer (front row), in Subuh (dawn) prayer, sometimes for Zuhr (afternoon) prayer and Asr (evening) prayer because maybe during that time, he was bit busy. He is still coming to Mosque although he had to face that kind of condition. Can you guys imagine if you become like him, with one leg and the other one is a prosthetic leg, would you guys come to Mosque like he did? He was born to strive in Islam's pathway, a pathway that pleased and blessed by Allah. I'll not mention his name as we must make his test as our reminder, not by idolizing him. May Allah bless all his strives all this while."

I was like...raised my head up when I heard about this. Suddenly I realized that this man is actually my friend's father and his younger brother is sitting at the back row. He already put prosthetic leg on and it costs him thousands of Malaysian Ringgit. But he used it well, to submit himself to Allah.

I asked myself. Me as a normal human being, always give reasons why I'm so lazy to go to the Mosque. While he already lost his leg, coming for Mosque, craving for deeds that are promised by Allah. It is my laziness inside that stunted my intention to go there. If I'm not lazy, with Allah's will, I will go there for every prayer. When it comes to cinemas, karaoke, and other places, there's no word such as 'lazy' popped out from my mind. This is bad. =(

Salaat in congregation will offers us 27x more rewards rather than usual. Besides, Prophet Muhammad P.B.U.H in his life always encourage Muslims to pray in congregation, which can easily attained by going to the Mosque. Besides, I always believe that true Muslim men will come to the Mosque to perform their prayer. How I wish to become a true Muslim man one day...=)

I already put him as my role model in life. And the best part is, I know who he is...=P

So, in this blessed month, Ramadan, let us keep coming to the Mosque to perform prayers.
This is also a reminder to myself.

Don't be a slave for Ramadan by doing good deeds only for this time around,
but be a slave of Allah by doing good deeds in this Ramadan and for the rest of our life.