Sunday, August 28, 2011

It's almost Raya. Isn't it?

Assalamualaikum and good morning

It's already 28th of Ramadan and after this we as Muslims gonna celebrate Eid or in Malay, Hari Raya.
And seriously I think I'm not gonna celebrate it too much this year. Maybe I think I don't deserve to celebrate the month of celebrations, after a month fasting from dawn to the dusk, everyday. But with exception for those who cannot fast in Ramadan for various reasons.

For kids, celebrating Raya would be meaningful IF they are fasting for the whole month, eventhough they didn't reach puberty yet.
I looked upon myself and asked myself.
I'm already 19 going 20, but then I only manage to fast, but not really doing things that may help me in gaining rewards or deeds from Allah S.W.T. such as Taraweeh prayer, recite the holy Quran, etc.
These things really make me awful as I can't keep on the momentum, and discipline myself in doing all those.
It should be like this...

Raya (kids) : 30 days of fasting
Raya (youth and adults) : 30 days of fasting + plus other things that lead to deeds/rewards

That's why I'm not enjoying Raya this time. I feel ashamed of myself. A LOT.

One more thing, I'm going to further my studies in UiTM. Yes, again. Last time I studied foundation in TESL for two semesters, and I'm on my way for degree in TESL.

Same course,
Same college (insya-Allah, I really hope I can stay in Meranti College until the end of degree),
Same faculty
Same university

For 5 years...=l
A year of foundation and 4 years of degree.

Here am I, 'busy' going online, playing video games, and handling these documents. *sigh*

Not to forget, I must get 3.5  and above because I already promised to her.
But actually I must get 3.75 above to enable me to change the PTPTN loan into scholarship and get the opportunity to study overseas. That's my dream, and if there's God will, I will bring her along with me.

And yeah, it's more than a month we've been together. I really hope we can make it until the end of our life.
27th of July is the date. I love you. Sorry for not being there for you. I'll change. I promise.

Anyway, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri for you guys. Forgive me for all the wrongdoings okay?

P.S : I think I already 'retired' drom playing firecrackers, and that's why I can't stand hearing those firecrackers explodes. xD

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Just To Relieve Myself =) [Part II]

Assalamualaikum and good morning

This is the continuation from the previous post, Just to reduce the pain that I feel inside...

X...she is still thinking about her ex-boyfriend. But I learned that the boy won't come back for her for several reasons. But she never gives up and I don't want her to hurt herself. The first time I liked her when she was another boy from her university, lets call him L. When she was still with L, I am the one who listened to her problems, helping her too. At that particular time, I was pitying her for her love problems and suddenly in my heart, I said that I won't hurt her feelings anymore if I had the chance to be with her.

But when I was too busy with my life, there comes her latest ex-boyfriend that she couldn't resist until now. So lets call him N. N leave him and make her life miserable. If I'm right, she got a total of 3 boyfriends that have made her life miserable, but I only mentioning two of them out of three.

I just won't do that to her...T_T...But now I'm hurt, deeply inside. She had made an incision to my heart as I was trying my best to mend her broken heart, to wipe her tears...I just wanna make her happy...But she still wants to end our relationship.

I just wanna be her hero...To make her happy. But when she did this to me, I am in pain, in a deep pain. I know that she still loves me, miss me because I love her and miss her too. She didn't want to be honest with herself by forcing herself to end this relationship. That's the worst part. Before this I'm in love with girls too, but they didn't want to accept my love and love me back. But X is different. Totally different and that's why my feelings for her growth rapidly and it just wouldn't stop.T_T....And for girls that accidentally in love with me, I'm sorry that I just can't create any love feeling for you guys...I'm sorry...My bad...

Here I am now craving for her love as I love her so much. I want to end her suffer. I don't want her to stuck up with other guys hurt herself again...I just can't let that happen...I want her to be safe with me. But if X and N goes back together, it's alright because I know N is better than me. The problem is, N would never go back to X. I don't want her to keep sad just because of N and to be hurt in the future, with other guys. I am sincerely loving her because I want to these things from happening.

She treats me like a man. I stopped smoking from 1st of August because of her. I'm afraid that if I am too much in pain, I will light up the cigarette back. Only she can stop me from doing this....I don't want to smoke, but the pain inside my chest, it is in my heart, forcing me to smoke to put out myself from heartache...T_T...I am like standing on a cliff and if I jump, I smoke again...only she can hold my hand, pull me close to her, and embrace me...

I don't want to jump...but...

She said I'm too good for her. I feel the opposite. I am not the best for her, but I want to make her happy with all my might. I've never been loved by a girl like this before. That's why I love her so much. I'm hoping that she will accept me back into her life as I feel very lonely and I'm hurt for every second, literally.

For now...I am so sad.

I'm failing...take my hand, I'll be there for you as long you don't leave me

Not Yet...

Assalamualaikum and good morning

This post is about the person that I love, Mama. She's the one who took care of me in her house, she's my neighbor, she's my nanny basically.
But, all the love, care and attention from her, have made me and her family become close to me, until now.
You guys can go this link:
I already wrote about the close relationship between me and them.

On the 21st of July 2011, I went to my brother's house in Subang because I was informed by Kakak Na and Kakak Rin that Mama was sick. I arrived in Shah Alam around 6 am, and later on, I went to University Malaya Medical Center (UMMC) in the evening. And after that day, I went to UMMC for almost every day until  30th of July. Except for Saturday and Sunday because I helped my brother, selling drinks to the immigrants from Bangladesh, Nepal, Philippine, Myanmar and Indonesia who came to line up at the Immigration Building in Putrajaya to sign in as legal workers.

Sometimes I went as early as 8 a.m., and sometimes I went during afternoon because I woke up late. I will go back to my brother's house around 6 p.m. until 8 p.m., depends on my mood. I had to face lousy cars, busy roads, full of jam, and not forget to mention, some stupid and uncivilized drivers who raised my blood pressure when I was riding my brother's bike. The journey took me around 30 minutes to 45 minutes, depending on the condition of the road.

I have to pass through all of these to visit Mama. I just want to show my love to her, and I want to spend my time for her remaining life. That's my intention from the beginning. Because I have to face the reality, the truth about life....and the truth hurts. Truth is always bitter. Kakak Na and Kakak Rin wouldn't tell me her real condition until I had to ask the doctor myself. They said that her team is only providing comfort and lessen her pain while she was still alive. The cancer spread to her backbone and liver. Back in 2009, the breast cancer was in level 2, she did her chemotherapy few times until she was bald. I thought it was the end. But unfortunately in early 2011, she had a backbone disease that makes her can't move around. She only can lie down on her bed.

14th of July is the date when she was admitted into the hospital. At first she was fine because she still can talk and made some jokes. Later on the doctor gave her such a massive amount of Morphine and she was sleeping all day long. It's like she was unconscious and only opened up her eyes sometimes. When I came, her face was already yellow, this is due to the cancer cells which have spread to her liver, and also backbone. It was at the level 4 for God sake.

I took care of her. Gave her drinks when she needs it. Holding her cold hands and fingers. I managed to kiss her cheek although she was sleeping at that very moment. My tears were covering my eyes as her tears were rolling down her cheeks. I didn't want her to be tortured like that. Her pain is almost unbearable. I can see it through her eyes, listening from the words coming from her mouth. Painkillers were given in a right dose as the doctors don't want her to be too relaxed, she will sleep all day long or if the dose is less, she will be in pain.

When she had already completed her antibiotic, the doctor said that she can be taken to home because only painkillers will be provided until the rest of her remaining life. It was also the time where Kakak Rin and Kakak Na have to make a right decision and at the same time , she doesn't open her eyes. She sleeps all the day. She doesn't want to eat and drink anything. On the third day she was acting like that, that was the day she closed her eyes forever. 30th of July 2011 at the age of 55.

Sad face is all I can give

I rushed to Sungai Buloh that afternoon, to her house. Her body will arrive around 5 p.m. and I arrived at 3.40 p.m. I saw many of her relatives that I knew before, and some that I didn't recognize. I also met some  of my old neighbors from Quarters of Agriculture Department in Serdang. I smoked. I didn't eat a thing since morning. Mama's nephew, Nazmi bought me an orange juice. Her body arrived, I only can look from outside of the house, there were too many people. After she got bathed (Muslim's body must be bathed before buried), I was unable to carry her body into the van, which will later on bring her to the nearest Mosque to get prayed. I went there by car and I when we arrived, they already finished praying for her and headed to the graveyard. There, I saw many people burst into tears. But I just don't know why I can't help myself, crying for her.

That night, I went back to my brother's house...I still didn't cry until now. I don't know why... But it  makes me uneasy as it makes me feel I'm not a normal person. But when I think about it deeply, I know that I had already given her my best, by accompanying her through her remaining life. Many people that met me when she was sick and the day she died told me that my name was always coming out of her mouth before she was sick. She loves me, and I love her too. I want her to be with us, throughout my life, but I can't stand looking her condition like that. The pain was so unbearable that I was thinking that I am letting her to go to meet Allah, because Allah loves her more than I do.

Until now...I didn't cry yet. Not yet.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Mysterious Heroes Are Always Cool

Assalamualaikum and good evening.

Yeah! Suddenly I got the guts to carry on my responsibilities to post new entries in this blog! >.<
Okay, stop playing around. =)

Kamen Rider or Masked Rider is one of my favorite masked heroes. Because they're mysterious in a way and it is cool!!!

The title says it all. Mysterious heroes are always cool. Seriously. Heroes are everywhere. They are all around you actually. It is you who don't discover them yet. Eventhough they can't fly, they can't lift heavy objects easily, that doesn't mean that they cannot be our heroes. Heroes are not just in comic books. People around you can be your heroes when you respect them more than other people.

The story starts when I went for for Taraweeh prayer, last week I guess. Taraweeh prayer is a special prayer for Muslims in Ramadan month. After we finished Isha' (night) prayer, we stop for a while, to hear for a talk from the committee members of the mosque. He talked a lot, but this one attracts me from sleeping while sitting, waiting for the Taraweeh prayer.

"There's a slave of Allah who comes infront, in the first row for almost every Taraweeh prayer. He's a good man, a man who have a strong heart and soul. Because he used to be a normal person, just like us. Starts his motorcycle with right leg and parked it with his left leg. But Allah tested him. He was given a disease (diabetes) an he had to cut off one of his legs. He's heart is strong, indeed, because I still seeing him coming everyday for Taraweeh prayer (front row), in Subuh (dawn) prayer, sometimes for Zuhr (afternoon) prayer and Asr (evening) prayer because maybe during that time, he was bit busy. He is still coming to Mosque although he had to face that kind of condition. Can you guys imagine if you become like him, with one leg and the other one is a prosthetic leg, would you guys come to Mosque like he did? He was born to strive in Islam's pathway, a pathway that pleased and blessed by Allah. I'll not mention his name as we must make his test as our reminder, not by idolizing him. May Allah bless all his strives all this while."

I was like...raised my head up when I heard about this. Suddenly I realized that this man is actually my friend's father and his younger brother is sitting at the back row. He already put prosthetic leg on and it costs him thousands of Malaysian Ringgit. But he used it well, to submit himself to Allah.

I asked myself. Me as a normal human being, always give reasons why I'm so lazy to go to the Mosque. While he already lost his leg, coming for Mosque, craving for deeds that are promised by Allah. It is my laziness inside that stunted my intention to go there. If I'm not lazy, with Allah's will, I will go there for every prayer. When it comes to cinemas, karaoke, and other places, there's no word such as 'lazy' popped out from my mind. This is bad. =(

Salaat in congregation will offers us 27x more rewards rather than usual. Besides, Prophet Muhammad P.B.U.H in his life always encourage Muslims to pray in congregation, which can easily attained by going to the Mosque. Besides, I always believe that true Muslim men will come to the Mosque to perform their prayer. How I wish to become a true Muslim man one day...=)

I already put him as my role model in life. And the best part is, I know who he is...=P

So, in this blessed month, Ramadan, let us keep coming to the Mosque to perform prayers.
This is also a reminder to myself.

Don't be a slave for Ramadan by doing good deeds only for this time around,
but be a slave of Allah by doing good deeds in this Ramadan and for the rest of our life.


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Just To Relieve Myself =)

Assalamualaikum and good morning

I don't know why I'm doing this entry. Hahaha. For all the dear readers, sorry that I didn't make new posts for such a long time. There's a lot to tell to you guys, if you like to. But hey, give me sometime to crack up my brain. Somehow I am lost and I don't know how to start! xD

Recently, I was busy because I was fall in love again. I don't know why.

But somehow I chatted with her and we became closer than before. But I knew she can't forget her ex boyfriend. It's fine with me, because I realized that I must bare the consequences if I get closer to her. I don't know what to say but it seems that I love her so much. Another girl that I've been waiting for almost 4 years was vanished from my thought. Can you imagine, a girl that that I have been waiting from 15 years old until this year was out of my head.

To prevent things from become complicated, lets give the girl that I'm in love is, X. Before I told my mum about X, she was worried about my education since X always called and text me through my cell phone. She was worried that I couldn't focus on my studies. I was so daft at that time to tell X about this and later on, she told her mother that my my mother was worried. Got it? Later on that morning, I told my mother about X and she understands. If I can study hard and prove it to my mum by having good results in degree, that's fine. I told her I will manage my time wisely. Surprisingly, she is interested with X.

On the other hand, X's mother wants us to be friends because she's afraid that X will be blamed if I got bad results. X is so obedient to her mother because I told her to explain to her mum but she refuses. The relationship was getting worse when she still remember about the girl that I've waited before. She was accusing me and it hurts me a lot. Although I was accused, I don't ask her about her ex boyfriend because I know she just can't get over him yet.

I love her
I love her every second
I love her more everyday
I love her more than I can say
I love her so much
oh my God.....
I love her too much

I told her that I won't leave her. I have the responsibility for my own promises. I won't leave her like her previous boyfriends. But it turned out to be she's the one who want's to leave me. She said that she wants us to be friends. I'm just afraid that I will lost her love after this and she will find another guy. My heart is not a toy to play with. Once I'm in love, deeply, I tried so heard that my chest will be in pain until she truly doesn't have any feelings for me. One more thing, our friend, a boy is always disturb her. I already told X that I want to tell to the boy that she's mine, but she is just too kind, didn't want to hurt his heart.

My mom knows about us, her parents know about us. I already challenged myself to have good results so that I will get the chance to study abroad, along with her. Besides, with her motivation, I managed to stop smoking since the first of Ramadhan. There's a lot of things that she managed to make me change, and I don't want all the changes go to waste if I'm too sad with this relationship. I hope she really thinks properly of every actions that she's doing for our relationship. I really serious about this. All of these are not only promises, but I will prove it. As long as she's still loves me. If she loves another guy, then I have to give up for this relationship.

I hope she can accept me back although I am not as handsome as the other guys. I am a bad guy. I do have lots of problems in my life. There are so many defects within me. But, I love her with all my heart. I miss her so deeply when she's not around me. She's the one who understands me and want to hear all my abstruse problems.

Only Allah knows my feelings for her

And yes, thanks for my dear Ps3 which comforts me whenever I stressed

Friday, June 24, 2011

The Preparations To Become a Good Father

Assalamualaikum and good evening~

This entry is dedicated for the Father's Day. Well, I'm not telling you guys more about my 'fathers' for now, but deep inside, I am still appreciating them. In this entry, I will share to you guys about some preparations that I must do before I am entitled as a father, one day, Insya-Allah.

1. Prayer (Salat)

Since the prayer is the basic thing in Islam, I must do it all, five times a day. But, unfortunately I performed  the prayer a bit late than I should and it is not good, indeed. It's like I'm putting other things first rather than my responsibilities towards Allah by performing my prayer according to the time. I must remind myself, that my life would end anytime right now, by any forms of death that may invites me in a sudden, so I need to perform my prayer first before continuing my life. Allah gives us 24 hours a day, why we cannot let our heart, having a submission towards Allah? Each prayer may took around 10 minutes. We as Muslims, need to pray at least five times a day, which means a total of 50 minutes out of 1440 minutes (24 hours x 60 minutes) must be spend to maintain a good slave-creator relationship. We always believe when we eat we will feel relieved from any hunger, we always believe that when we can have a safe journey if we drive carefully. BUT WE ARE WRONG. It is Allah who gives the the fills our empty stomach. Some people eat in small amount but they are already full, some people have to eat a lot to fill their stomach. IT IS THE POWER OF ALLAH. The same goes when people driving the car in such a careful manner, if they didn't hit the other cars, the other cars can hit them with the power of Allah.

"His Command, when He intends anything, is only that He says to it, "Be' then (and there) it is - (Kun Fayakun)" - Verse 82.

Besides than performing prayer early, performing the prayer in congregation is far more better as we will get 27x more rewards than praying alone at home.

2. Give up in smoke

Well, this is hard I think...I already tried to give up in smoke for few times, but sadly, I failed. When I was in school, I was not too addicted with cigarettes, until I finished my high school and I went for the foundation, I accidentally become addicted. Last time, in Malaysia the price for Winston Light 20's is RM7.80 but the price was raised up to RM8.50. I spent one pack for a week. I put myself a limit to smoke, 4 cigarettes per day, so  one pack can lasts around 5 days. For Saturdays and Sundays, I usually went to my brother's house, so I always kept asking him for cigarettes. After finishing the foundation, I went to Langkawi Island and bought a carton of cigarette, Winston Filter which costs me RM47. The price was dirt cheap. One packet is only around RM4.70. So when I work, I smoke for every hour and when it comes to 28th of May, the day that I want to stop smoking, I can feel a pain at my chest because I stopped tremendously. I took my sister-in-law's advice to stop smoking slowly, and not in such a hurry. Now I only smoke around 3-5 cigarettes per day, with the help of my supervisor. He's the one who supports me with the cigarettes.

In order to become a good father is to stop smoking. Why? Simply because I don't my children to get any disease because of me. And I don't them to follow my bad habits. That's all. I don't want to waste my money and my precious life because of cigarettes too. But if I managed to give up in smoking, I give myself a limit to smoke only with my old friends who are really hard. Because, although you guys may not be a smoker, but you guys must understand how people like me.

We smoke when we:
- Feel tensed
- Bored
- After eating
- Feel cold
- In toilet (you get what I mean)
- Hangout with friends

And I smoke ONLY when meet my old friends if I managed to give up on smoking. That means maybe I smoked only a cigarette for a month. Who knows?

3. Save some money for the future

Now my money is still stuck RM9k in the bank...I wish I can add RM2k more before 2012.
If I can discipline myself to save up to RM5k for each two semesters in degree (one year), after my degree, I will have around RM30k. RM5k x 4 years plus RM9k, hopefully I can reach around RM30k or more...
When I save my money in banks such as Bank Rakyat, Bank Persatuan and ASB, the dividend will be from 7%-15%, depends on the bank.
This will help me to kick-start my life as a teacher, insya-Allah....=)

If I get the chance to continue my studies in UiTM, I will try to apply for the MARA education loan, which will help me a lot rather than PTPTN loan which costs me a lot.
The difference between MARA education loan and PTPTN :

- Passed the required CGPA, loans will turned into scholarship
- Have to pay back according to the CGPA. If you didn't reach the required CGPA, you will have to pay according to their system. e.g. pay 5% out of the total amount when you get more than 3.5, pay 10% if you get 3 and above, pay 15% if you get 2.5 and above, etc

- Passed the reauired CGPA, loans will turned into scholarship
-If you didn't meet the required CGPA, you'll have to pay all the amount that you loaned plus some interests

*Please correct me if I'm wrong about these okay?
But both of the loans will ask you to pay monthly, and not to pay all the money you borrowed at once.

Money cannot give us, the humans the happiness that we need, but they may contribute us to search for the happiness and tranquility. But do remember, money is not everything. I need money to raise my children, buying diapers, food, and many more. Although I need money for all these, it is love and attention that matters. Poor people may live happily rather than rich people because they were provided with enough love and attention from their family. Am I right? =)

4. Cursing other people

Cursing is also my bad habit, and yes, it is hard to resist. The first reason why I'm cursing people is I cannot control my anger towards other people. Next, when I cannot control myself, vulgar words that I've been used before slipped through my mouth. The words are very offensive. Sometimes the words not only offended the target persons, but also their mothers and fathers. And sorry, it is out of my control if I'm cursing people to that extend. But cursing also used for jokes, when you hangout with your friends, cursing each other seems to be a tradition.

This cursing habit is not good to be shown to my children. It'll shows my disability to control my patience, my immaturity, and accidentally I set a bad example of vulgar words to them too. So in order for me to achieve my dream, a good father, I must control myself from cursing starting from now.

I think that's all for now, I know there's a lot of defect in me. But these four thing really can inflict my role as a good father, to raise my children properly so that they can become good people.

P.S - Suddenly I felt that I want to get married earlier than I thought before. >.<
Wanna be a good father as soon as possible, but unfortunately I don't have any candidate to be my future my wife for now.
Sorry for the post before,
about W, in the She Who Has The Magic And Cursed Me With Her Charm...
She didn't like me from the very beginning, and I already turned a new leaf.
For now, I'm proud to be an eligible bachelor.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Escaped From a Crocodile's Bite, But Accidentally Entered Tiger's Mouth

Assalamualaikum and good evening

First of all, I must keep reminding myself, I must accept the written fate of my life.

“Allah does not burden a soul with more than it can bear.”(Quran 2: 286)

"Do men think that they will be left alone on saying 'We believe', and that they will not be tested? We did test those before them, and Allah will certainly know those who are true 
from those who are false."(Quran 29:2-3)

Okay, I think with these verses, words of Allah, taken from the holy al-Quran will help me to calm down and relax.

I already have a new job. Perda, Pulau Pinang is the place where me and my friend, Badri Shaharudin went for an interview with a company. We found the job in a local newspaper and quickly called the person in the advertisement. When we arrived, we were interviewed by the clerk, a young beautiful woman who soothed our heart at that moment. We choose the position that we want, 'CUSTOMER SERVICE' as we want to evade any works that require us to get sales. Although the salary is rm500 per month, we can get extra income for every water filter that we service. Yes, it is a water treatment/filter company. Plus, the work is only within office hours, that is, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

We went for training for few days, knowing the product itself and the history of the company. We came early to the office and we cannot stop ourselves from becoming too excited to start the job. On 6th of June we came to the office like usual but there was no one there. Then we got a call from our boss. We were asked to go for an outstation for a week, only. Allowance will be provided, she said. So, we head back to Kulim, to pack our belongings, and wait for them to fetch us. We waited at home from the afternoon until night for them. At 10 p.m., they came. On our journey to Slim River we had a chat, all five of us. Badri, another boy who is the same age with us, a male supervisor, and his wife. Surprisingly, our job is not 'customer service' but DIRECT SELLING AGENT instead.

So here we are, trapped with Tanjung Malim, not Slim River. WITH NO ALLOWANCE !!!
Only advance money are available. With the basic of RM500...If I keep asking for advance, how much my salary will be later on?I have to pay for hotel about RM11 per day, and this outstation last for around 11 days, which means RM110, and I eat average of RM10 per day. The best part is, in my account there's RM3 left, as I already withdraw RM90 from it.I only got one sale for now, selling one unit of water filter and I get RM20 only
RM20 !!!
this coming Friday, 24th of June 2011 I'll go back to Kulim and on 20th of June I'll have to go for an outstation again until 30th of June, where advance money is on the line.

Let me show some calculation:

RM500 (basic) + RM20 (commission) = RM520
Hotel for this out station (10 days) = RM110
Advance (not sure) = RM50
Next outsation = RM110 + RM 110 (hotel and food for 10 days)

RM520 - RM110 - RM50 - RM220 = RM140

SERIOUSLY I NEED MORE SALES....if I quit I won't get any money...
I DON'T LIKE this selling thingy AT ALL
I need to pay RM600 for my PS3 and RM600 for my mom
And I don't know if I have the money
My wifi bill also need to be payed this month


I really wish this nightmare will end soon...I can't wait to go to July, where I'll quit this freaking job.
Wonder if I can go to the Labour Department Peninsular Malaysia to complaint about my case...

I don't like to knock people's door to promote this water filter although this product has the quality to win my heart...I had to bring the filter all along the apartment, quarters, low cost house, under the raging sun blaze. THIS SUCKS A LOT !!!

You're the best boss I ever known !!! Okay, I'm lying...

I want to cry but it's too late to do that..I have to face it anyway..T_T
I miss my parents, family, friends
home, guitar, my pillow, motorcycle


Sunday, June 12, 2011


Assalamualaikum and good morning

This entry would be a little informative rather than previous entries I think. And it is better for me to share with you guys before my stared to lose the information that you guys may need. I hope that you guys already know what MEdSI stands for. If not, here we go:

M  : Malaysian
Ed : Education
S   : Selection
I    : Inventory

So, it is a selection process for students from Matriculation College, STPM students, Foundation leavers and Diploma holders to enter degree in education, whether it is TESL (Teaching English as Secondary Language) like me, mathematics, science, sport, language and many more.

The first task would be the written test. It is a test to evaluate the attitude of the future teachers, and to select some candidates to the next stage, which is the interview. When you check through the official web page of Malaysian Ministry Of Higher Education (MOHE), and you are selected for the interview, that means you passed the written test and you must get ready for the interview. There are also few things you need to check to face the interview:

1. Hairstyle
2. Dressing code
3. General knowledge regarding Malaysian education, current and few big things in the past
4. Few big names in MOHE, Ministry of Education (MOE) and the government itself
5. Teaching demonstration (you'll need to study)
6. Documents that are related to the interview

Okay now, let's go straight to the main I will try to memorize back my conversation with the interviewers.

Me : Zulfahmi Mohamed
Interviewer 1 : Malay man
Interviewer 2 : Chinese man
Interviewer 3 : Malay woman

Me  : (Knocked the door)...Assalamualaikum and good morning...(give my file, full of certificates to the interviewers)

IV 3 : We'll have to test your eyes first to detect your colour blindness

Me  : ...(Gave the answers)

IV 2 : You may sit

Me  : Thank you

IV 1 : Now Zulfahmi, can you please introduce yourself

Me  : My name is Zulfahmi...

IV 1 : Can you speak louder?

Me  : My name is Zulfahmi Bin Mohamed. I was born in Bukit Mertajam 'at' (damn, I was so nervous at that time) 22nd of July 1992. Before this I lived in Serdang, Selangor and then I moved to Kulim, Kedah.

IV 1 : How about your co-curriculum or your contribution for your schools as a student?

Me  : I represented my school for rugby competition in Northern Zone. I also participated in Silat, which is in sparring competition. I also became a commander in the scout troop in national Jamboree. Last but not least, I also act in a drama team.

IV 1 : Can you please tell me, why do you like to be a teacher?

Me : I would like to be a teacher because I believe that I can understand the students better. I don't want to punish them, but I want to understand them and hear their problems...I want the students to believe that English is not as hard as they think.

IV 2 : You know that the government send new teachers in Sabah and Sarawak. Would you like to go there if they ask you to do so?

Me  : Since the government announced that teachers who were sent to Sabah and Sarawak will get allowance, so I think I will go there.

IV 2 : Lets say that they will not give any allowance. Would you still going there?

Me  : (Laughed and smiled).....I'm still going there because it is my duty.

IV 1 : Would you like to demonstrate your teaching method to us?

Me  : Sure! (started to use the marker pen and whiteboard)

IV 1 : Nowadays, many of the students cannot speak in English. Can you tell us why?

Me  : I believe that they're lack of self esteem in using English as daily conversation. Besides, they don't use English frequently and some of them even talk with their teachers in Bahasa Malaysia.

IV 1 : In order to increase the standard of English for students, what would you like to do? Since the students in rural areas cannot master English that well.

Me  : I will teach them English, not only in formal way, but informal too. Such as listening to music, watching films, and many more.

IV 1 : I think that's all, thank you.

Me  : (Took back the file from the third interviewer and shake hands with the male interviews)

Now this is the best part when I shook my hand with them....>.<

IV 1 : Zulfahmi, you're the best !
Me   : (Blushing)...thanks

I think that's all, and please pray for me so that I can get TESL for my degree. The result should be at the end of July. Can't wait....>.<
If I get TESL for my degree, that means I've passed the interview...=)

P.S : I'm not sure whether it is applicable only in my place for interview or not, but it seems like the 3rd interviewer only checked the file for certificates AND the written conversation is not the exact words and sentence structures that I used because I cannot remember well. But, the points are still there.

I still want to be a teacher, so what's your problem?

Friday, May 27, 2011

She Who Has The Magic And Cursed Me With Her Charm

Assalamualaikum and good morning

The title shows it all. It is about a woman. Yet again, not them, not the other girls but only her. Why her and not the others? It is simply because she's still staying here right in my heart for a long time rather than those women that broke my heart.

She doesn't have to jinx me with her witch pot

So, what's so special about her? She's still a Malay, Muslim like many of the other girls in my university, school, work place, shopping complex and other places. Why she can still staying in my heart for 4 years and I am willingly wait her her for 5-6 more years?

The first answer would be because of her faith in Islam

That's the first thing that crossed to my mind when talking about girls we should marry with. That's why I'm highlighting this thing, because to me, and the other Muslims, it is important. I do believe that her faith and believe in Islam is more than the other girls that I met before. By looking at her appearance, you would know it by simply looking at her way of dressing:

Hand socks that ensures the aurah (restricted body areas for muslims) to be covered

Socks that covers the feet which is an aurah area

And last but not least, a long and big scarf. Not only to cover the hair, but also the shoulders and chest
(This is not her, it is a dummy for God sake..hahaha)

I know that many of you or my other friends would say that I'm not suitable to have this kind of woman to be my wife. Well, I believe that everyone in Earth would want perfectness in their life. That's it, everyone. No matter how bad are your attitude (like me), no matter how ugly your face are (also like me), how stupid are you with your brain (like me too), you're still hoping for the perfectness, and the best in our life.

The other factors that made her my choice, for such a long time is, she somehow can sooth my heart through her words (although the words are in text forms, and not through verbal). She's the only that can make me feel like my chest is tightening, and I can feel there's an invisible hand squeezing my heart when she made me frustrated. The worst time was when I knew that she was in love with one guy and the guy also responded with the same feeling, I felt in sick for almost a week. I have some sort of fever on each night on that week. Amazingly it happened only during nights and for a few months, I felt so downed to the earth. That's when I started to smoke that I believed can help me out of the problem.

I know we would've been compared like heaven and earth because I am not a very good guy to make her as my wife. I know maybe it is too early to discuss this issue. But I would like if she know that I am damn serious about her. She already knew that I'm in love with her, four years ago, but she's still didn't gave me any rigid answer and that's why I have to keep waiting for an answer, from her, an answer that I am really longing for until this very second. I already kept this feeling deep in my heart and it is hard to pull it out. It is already to turn back. I must continue what I have started.

I already built a mountain of hope and in a process of climbing it....I hope she won't kick me off when I reached the peak or when I was still climbing it

I know that she is too clever to be with me, with an extremely good result in SPM (High School Public Examination) and she's now studying medic abroad. While I got a C+ for chemistry and I'm now studying in the art stream, I also realized that I too am stupid to be compared with her. But I am now pursuing my degree in TESL, degree in education. I can be teacher, like her father, who was retired. And the fun fact is, my parents knew her parents and vice versa, but her parents didn't know about us. Only my mum knows but I didn't gave her the details. Ah, before I forget, her hometown is in Kulim, Kedah. I mean, her grandparents and stuffs. So she's like me, all my relatives and grandparents are in Kulim. That's mean I won't have any problem regarding celebrating Eid evey year because we are gonna go to the same place. =P
Rather than couples who are having problems in celebrating Eid, as their hometowns are not the same. One of them is at the northern region of Malaysia and the other one is at southern region. That will bring them headache.

So, no matter how many girls that I'll meet later or the girls that I've already met, they will only make me remember her more. Why? When I'm trying to 'move-on', if I can win their heart, somehow I still remembered her. And I can't focus with my new relationship. Or even worser, when I like someone than I was disappointed by them, then I think of her again and again. I knew those girls will be out of her league but somehow I like them. Their presence will only make my feelings stronger towards her.

In my journey to wait for her, I must change myself to be a better man as in the holy Quran says, "Good women are meant to be with good men". But I must bare in my mind that I am changing for Allah, for my family, future children and for her. I also must work hard in order to save my money, for her, in the future.

We share the same sky, the same sun. I hope wherever she is right now, studying in her room, in the lecture hall or whatsoever, she will keep me in her heart and mind. Because I already told her that I am really serious with her and I know she's still acknowledge it until now. I really hope she will accept me although I am not as good as she is, and I am not a perfect man for her. But I really want her to be my future wife. =')

To settle down and get married at the age of 24 or 25, that's my goal. I don't want to build huge age gaps between me and my children. And perhaps, my wife would be her. Because I believe she can be a good mother for my children. I love her with all my heart.

W, I really love you, I really do. And I want to be with you. It's you who I chose long time ago. Sorry if I ever made you feel uneasy in your life. You are the only one who can let my guard down.

Monday, May 23, 2011

I'm Fired !!!

Assalamulaikum and good morning

It has been a while, yet again. This time I managed to find some time to write for a new entry.
Yeah, indeed.

Oh yeah...I can feel the laser beam right through my heart !

I was working like hell during last month. I didn't have enough time for blogging and as the result, I can feel the weights on my fingers when typing this entry. =.=

I admit that I came late to work, I ditched some hours of work, but then if I got caught, that's just me with the supervisor. On last Friday, 20th of May, I received an Short Message Service (SMS) from my supervisor that it is my last day already. Simply because they said that my time didn't match with theirs. I just asked my supervisor and boss to get back earlier from 21st-23rd of May because I want to help my father in the stall, which sells Bakso. The roadshow for that week requires me to work from 11 a.m. until 10 p.m. and I ask them if I ever get the chance to finish my work at 6 p.m. They said that they will discuss about it later on. Surprisingly, the result is, when I get back from work, I received the SMS. =.=

At first, I can't accept the fact that I've been fired. Well, I got to pay my mom RM600 because I borrowed her money and I have to pay RM1200 for the PS3 because I already deposited RM300 for it...
The salary that I will received is just around RM700 I think and where can I find the remaining money for my mom and PS3?

Now I already accept that I'm jobless and I need to find a new job. I must believe in faith and Allah S.W.T will always beside me to help me out in life, although truth hurts a lot. Maybe He destroys my plan and maybe He wants to replace it with a better one. Who knows right?

The things that I want to focus right now are:
1. The Malaysian Education Inventory Selection (MEdSI) interview on this coming 29th of May (This is regarding my future because I want to be a teacher)

2. How to pay RM1200 to the game shop (Maybe I ask my brother for some money)

3. To settle down RM600 for my mother (I don't want her to be in a deep problem regarding money)

May Allah S.W.T helps me dealing with these problems, and at the same time I must help myself out of these problems.

P.S : No more purple shirt, 6 days a week. Goodbye fellow friends

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Bees Are Always Busy, So Do I

 Assalamualaikum and good morning

I feel my life as a robot right now...haha...Oh ya, I forgot, first of all thanks for those are still open my blog just to read stupid stuffs that I put in here. And sorry that I am too busy working right now...I have to work from morning until evening as a sales promoter and at the evening-night I helped my father out at the Bakso stall. I make drinks for the customer. Insya-Allah I'll try my best to put some pictures in this blog later on.

 A cute bee that I think doesn't busy at all...xD

Many people asked me why I am so serious when it comes to money? >.< is simple, I want to build my own empire of business and have lots of money in the bank for my family later on. It is for the sake of my parents, wife (in future) and kids (also in the future)...Plus, my friends said that we can later on start to finance easily after we get a job, with the degree in our hands.

For me, if we had the chance to save some money before we finished our degree would it be nice? You can have lots of money after graduating while others are about to start financing at that time. My target, I will have RM30k++ if I can save around RM5k for each two semesters in my degree. I believe It can be achieve if I put more discipline in handling my money. And that's why I'm thinking about quitting smoke... I want to save more money. I just don't care about my own health actually. I need cigarette whenever I feel tensed, hanging out with friends, after eating, bored, and many more. But it sure costs me and I can't bare it anymore.

For these 4-5 months there are few targets that I want to achieve, that's why I'm busy working. In next few 4 months, insya-Allah I will get RM4k that I need. RM2k is for my savings, that would be a total of RM11k if I count it all, and another RM2k to buy the lovely Sony PlayStation 3. =D

I'm sure spending my money on consoles like this is far more better than buying new cell phones. Cell phones evolves fast. If you buy a new cell phone today, a month later you won't surprise if there's a new model, which has a stylish design, cheaper, the specifications are better than yours, and theworst part is, when you want to sell the existing cell phone, the price dropped tremendously. That's why I choose to buy PlayStation 3 than a new cell phone.

Just take a look at Allah's beautiful creation...I really wish I can get a huge 'empire' like this one day

For the money that I've been saving since last year, if it reaches RM20k, the dividend that I can get if I put into the bank, I will get around RM2k, well that's enough for an engagement. >.<. I think about getting engage in the age of 23 or 24. That should be just fine. I don't know why, but I keep on thinking about the future that awaits.

Owh my, I talk too much about money...-.-

Yeah and one more thing, when thinking about the girl that I like since I was in high school, makes me more energetic to work harder in order to make more money. Although I had two accidents while I was riding my motorcycle to work due to the slippery road, I stood up and ignored all the pain that I had to suffer. It is all because of her. I won't mind to save my money if it's not for her.

And for all more hardship that I have to face now, I know that God will repay it with happiness someday.
One of His name is Al-Muqsit, means The Just...I really believe He would give me the happiness that I need in the future...=')

Saturday, April 16, 2011

The Regret Will Never End...


The date, 5th of April 2011. This is the birthday of the man that I love, Zakaria Bin Duramin, who was born on the 5th of April, 1947. It is a written-fate that he used to be my neighbor, back when my family was in the quarters of agricultural department in Serdang, Selangor. His wife, Mama (Rozlena Binti Ab Latif) would nurse me in her house, a place where I could feel the warmth of love and care, in the morning chill of the quarters. Sun may lit the ground by it's blazing sunshine in the morning, that will eventually arise everybody's life in the quarters. We lived like we were in some kind of village back then.

In the very house, I spend lots of time with them. Baba always entertained me with his jokes, and most of the weekends he will ask my parents' permission  to bring me out along together with Mama and his daughters, Kakak Rin (Ezrin Asyiqin) and Kakak Na (Ezna Syaqira).

Unfortunately, I think in the late 90's, Baba was admitted to a hospital which I can't remember. And he was admitted into the ward, for several days. Both of his kidneys were damaged. Later on, he had to go for dialysis. At first, he needs to go for it once a week, then twice a week, and at the critical time, once every two or three days.

His condition was still like that. My family had to move to Kulim, Kedah in 2003. Of course it was a sad moment for me, to leave the lovable family as I spend time with them since I was a little baby. They used to change my diapers, bath me, pick my ears, fed with foods and love...I appreciate that...Thanks a lot...=')

Actually, if I don't leave the quarters, they will move to Sungai Buloh. This is because, Baba's service in the government sector has ended...He retired in 2003. Ever since I was apart from them, I'll visit them for about 2-3 times every year if I had the chance to do so.

Time flies around very fast, with the blink of an eye, 2009 arrived, a year of chaos to me, as I had to face lots of challenges in that particular year. But for Baba and family, it turned to be worse than before. Mama was positive, for having cancer, and Baba's condition was weaker than before.

2010, Mama was cleared out from cancer, but Baba turned out to use a stick to support himself...Baba started to have problems with his eye, cataract. Then his ears cannot hear the sounds from the surroundings properly, he cannot smell as good as before. To make it simple, it's like his senses are having trouble. Kakak Na and Kakak Rin told me that some of his friends in the hospital, who used to have dialysis process have passed away. It is a miracle, that Baba still hanging on, although he had gone through the dialysis process for more than a decade. They also said that Baba's friends cannot stand for the kidney failure disease like him. Baba has a strong soul and spirit, to continue on living. He knew that he will never win the battle, but still he was fighting against it...until the end of his life...

About two weeks before he passed away, I was given the opportunity to take care of him for a night at a hospital...Only then I knew how hard it is to deal with old folks. We need to have lots of patience of course. He sometimes doesn't remember about the past due to the Alzheimer. So, when I take care of him for a night, he doesn't remember few things about events happened an hour before. Plus, when I tried to help him, somehow he was in a deep pain. I was sad when I had done things that make him in a crucial pain, but somehow I must do it for the sake of his health...That really makes me sad...

One evening, Kakak Na called me and said that Baba was in a really critical condition...I was having an outing back then. When she told me, my eyes started to fill by droplets of water...My friends were there, in I think it was not cool to cry in front of public. Back in my hostel, I sleep, to forget the problems. When I woke up, I checked my cell phone, I received lots of phone calls and texts. Baba passed away...I was bursting into tears. I quickly perform my Maghrib prayer, and read Surah Yaasin for him...

I cannot go to his house because I have no transport at that particular time...So I need to wait for the next morning to go to his funeral. I tried to wake up as early as I can, I took a bus to KL Central, and then took a train to Sungai Buloh. But I just couldn't make it to his burial ceremony.

In other words...I didn't have the chance to take a look at his face for the last time...To kiss his forehead for the first and last time...But now I don't have the chance anymore...T_T

The tears that I've been shedding until now just won't bring him back...

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

My Life After The Foundation

Assalamualaikum and good morning~

Hmmm...Right now it's 4.50 a.m and I just start blogging...haha!!! See, I turned to be a nocturnal person after the foundation. I slept until afternoon (I don't need to care about classes to catch on), and started sleeping at dawn. Maybe yeah, I am an owl-to-be.....=D

I'm certainly not studying anything at night....

Few days after I arrived at Kulim, I thought to look myself for a vacancy as a replacement teacher at any schools in Kulim. So, first things first, I had to cut my hair...Yes, CUT MY LOVELY STRAIGHT LONG HAIR down to the earth..T_T... I really jealous of my old friend. He has a long hair because he is working, not studying like me. I had to sacrifice it for the sake of getting the position, but unluckily, I forgot that my SPM slip along together my friend from UiTM Puncak Alam, Wanud. Actually the slip is in a folder, which I brought to UiTM Puncak Alam and I carelessly drop it there, in his room...=P...So I asked him to post the slip to my hose, and I got the slip back!!! thank God!!!

 From a so called 'Korean' hair~

                                                                                            To a Shin Chan-ned hair?...=P

So, yesterday I just completed the documents for the application as a replacement teacher, this is because of the misplaced SPM slip ...=.="...I also asked for jobs as a backup if I didn't get the job as a teacher. I asked for a position in a factory, as a store person, but I think when the interview checked my SPM result, I think she would not accept me, because she noticed my result is average, and I will further my studies rather than hooking up with the factory all along my life. So now I'm back at my father's Bakso stall, to help him in making drinks to the customer. But lately, the business had become worse. The customers were not as many as they were, back in 2010. The stall is too quiet compared to couple of years ago.

I wanna be a millionaire so freakin' bad~

One more thing to be considered is my financial status. I just wanna start to save some money but I was burdened by a lot of debts. My motorcycle, Honda Ex5 had to be repaired a month ago and it cost RM500. I had to use the money that supposed to be use to pay my college fees, RM200. Then I borrowed RM350 from my mom, and I had to take back my PlayStation 2 from a shop. Last month I brought my PS2 to get serviced since it can't read DVD games like it used to. Well, my PS2 is almost 7 years old. It needs to be serviced so it can be used like before and I was charged RM130. So, the total debt is around RM 680. And I am unemployed yet...If I only work for my father, I will only get RM10-RM15 per day, 6 p.m-11 p.m. And I also must put aside some cash for the fuel and cigarettes. And after a brief calculation, I estimate I can only save RM50 per week. That means RM200 per month. I need to get a job that starts at the morning and ends at the afternoon/evening so I still can help my father out.

But despite of all my financial constrain, I really appreciate the value of friendship that I experienced even after the foundation. I met with some old friends,guys and girls from MRSM Langkawi. There are now studying in UniKL (Boss and Bod), UiTM Pulau Pinang (Kapten, Ayam, Arau, Conan). Not to forget some other friends in Pulau Pinang Matriculation College/Kolej Matrikulasi Pulau Pinang (KMPP). We had a good travel via motorcycle (convoy), drinking and eating together, and not to forget smoking together by sharing a packet of cigarette. We will gonna miss those moments we had together.

Here are some pictures for our mini reunion:

 From the left Aizat Akmal (Kapten/Helmet), Firdaus Ridzwan (Boss), Me and Hafiz (Ayam)

 Kapten is somehow laugh at Boss...haha

 Boss is looking forward about his future...I miss my hair..='(

 This is, the coolest pic...hehe

 Almost the same as the above~

 Stupid jokes were still delivered even on an escalator and Ayam cannot help himself from stop laughing...=D

Only now I noticed that we were all dressed in black...=.="

Can't wait to face the days that awaits me in the future~ and I hope I can get a job, so that I can have lots of money. Okay, it's already 6.30 a.m and time to sleep folks~

P.S - I really miss my old hair....

Monday, March 21, 2011

So Long My Friend and Adversary~

Assalamualaikum and good morning

Finally I managed to end my second semester for Foundation in TESL, UiTM Shah Alam. The exams were quite hard, I can't deny, but somehow I was feeling happy during the exams. We had to face 6 papers during the finals. Starting from Listening and Speaking, Literature, Writing, Reading, Grammar, and Islamic Studies. Literature and Grammar sure kill us all. Hahaha.

After finished my last paper, Islamic Studies, I rushed myself to clear my stuffs in my hostel, go to my brother's house in Subang Jaya and took all my stuffs. That night, I went to UiTM Puncak Alam to stay for a night day, wth my friend, Ikhwanuddin (Wanud) because the next Saturday morning I got a test, Malaysian University Selection Inventory (MUnSYi) which is a personality test for those who wish to pursuit their degree in USM, Pulau Pinang. I just take it as my backup plan if I don't get TESL degree in the future. I really hope I can get TESL for my degree no matter it will be in UiTM or IIUM.

After the test, at the night of 19th March of 2011, we had a pre-graduation dinner for the Foundation in TESL students in UiTM Hotel. Well, we bid farewell to each other. Students and lecturers. Eventually there are students that will go to other courses or other universities. All four foundation programs in UiTM which are Science, Engineering, TESL, and Law doesn't require the students to stay in UiTM for degree. We have the freedom to go outside and explore new things. But thanks to UiTM for selecting us, to be in this program from May last year until March this year.

Here are some footages of me for the dinner:

 Me with Faiz 'Martin' and Asmira

 The hot red is Nisreen Afifah and at my left side is Ainaa who is one of the Committee Members

 Nadiah Lasuan who are the winner...the most valuable pad in the world~
(I should win the prize if I had sit on that chair...sigh~...just consider myself that I'm not lucky enough)

Acap cannot stop himself from holding the prize..haha...with Ameen with his 'sudden fierce' face

 The song which I played, is from The Strokes - Someday

Idzham and I like to tease Farahafizah along the dinner...xP

The mini Meranti hurdle that will always be remembered

Thanks for a such nice dinner guys, but frankly, I really prefer buffet rather than served foods. Not to forget, that the girls look gorgeous and the guys look hot that night. I really wish the night will never end...But who am I to stop the time as it still running out? I see and heard lots of cry. All I can do is trying to hug you guys (males) as I will never see you ever again next time and say hello or hi for those girls that I had never talk with. I will remember you guys forever, and sorry for all my wrongdoings and mistakes. The biggest sorry of all, would be sorry for myself, for my daftness, not to appreciate every second that I had gone through as the TESL student. I love you guys and I really wish we can meet again. 

Nisreen and Farahafizah, don't you guys ever cry in front of me again or I will also burst in tears..hua~...that's why you see I became hyper-active that night so that I can forget the sadness. I stomp onto lots of balloons just to wanna have fun, sorry for the loud 'bangs' that I have created. All I can say I love you guys !!! Special thanks to Thoriq, Izzul and Faiz Khuzairi who are willingly to play a song with me. You guys are the best~
For the lecturers, sorry if I don't fill the attendance slip and sleep in your class...Ha !!! I also played PSP in your class whenever I feel bored....sorry~I really feel proud that night with The Strokes look alike dress !!!
Thanks for you guys !!!
I'm proud to be a TESLian
I love all of you guys

So long my friend and adversary
I'll wait for you
(The Strokes - Under Cover Of Darkness)