Saturday, April 16, 2011

The Regret Will Never End...


The date, 5th of April 2011. This is the birthday of the man that I love, Zakaria Bin Duramin, who was born on the 5th of April, 1947. It is a written-fate that he used to be my neighbor, back when my family was in the quarters of agricultural department in Serdang, Selangor. His wife, Mama (Rozlena Binti Ab Latif) would nurse me in her house, a place where I could feel the warmth of love and care, in the morning chill of the quarters. Sun may lit the ground by it's blazing sunshine in the morning, that will eventually arise everybody's life in the quarters. We lived like we were in some kind of village back then.

In the very house, I spend lots of time with them. Baba always entertained me with his jokes, and most of the weekends he will ask my parents' permission  to bring me out along together with Mama and his daughters, Kakak Rin (Ezrin Asyiqin) and Kakak Na (Ezna Syaqira).

Unfortunately, I think in the late 90's, Baba was admitted to a hospital which I can't remember. And he was admitted into the ward, for several days. Both of his kidneys were damaged. Later on, he had to go for dialysis. At first, he needs to go for it once a week, then twice a week, and at the critical time, once every two or three days.

His condition was still like that. My family had to move to Kulim, Kedah in 2003. Of course it was a sad moment for me, to leave the lovable family as I spend time with them since I was a little baby. They used to change my diapers, bath me, pick my ears, fed with foods and love...I appreciate that...Thanks a lot...=')

Actually, if I don't leave the quarters, they will move to Sungai Buloh. This is because, Baba's service in the government sector has ended...He retired in 2003. Ever since I was apart from them, I'll visit them for about 2-3 times every year if I had the chance to do so.

Time flies around very fast, with the blink of an eye, 2009 arrived, a year of chaos to me, as I had to face lots of challenges in that particular year. But for Baba and family, it turned to be worse than before. Mama was positive, for having cancer, and Baba's condition was weaker than before.

2010, Mama was cleared out from cancer, but Baba turned out to use a stick to support himself...Baba started to have problems with his eye, cataract. Then his ears cannot hear the sounds from the surroundings properly, he cannot smell as good as before. To make it simple, it's like his senses are having trouble. Kakak Na and Kakak Rin told me that some of his friends in the hospital, who used to have dialysis process have passed away. It is a miracle, that Baba still hanging on, although he had gone through the dialysis process for more than a decade. They also said that Baba's friends cannot stand for the kidney failure disease like him. Baba has a strong soul and spirit, to continue on living. He knew that he will never win the battle, but still he was fighting against it...until the end of his life...

About two weeks before he passed away, I was given the opportunity to take care of him for a night at a hospital...Only then I knew how hard it is to deal with old folks. We need to have lots of patience of course. He sometimes doesn't remember about the past due to the Alzheimer. So, when I take care of him for a night, he doesn't remember few things about events happened an hour before. Plus, when I tried to help him, somehow he was in a deep pain. I was sad when I had done things that make him in a crucial pain, but somehow I must do it for the sake of his health...That really makes me sad...

One evening, Kakak Na called me and said that Baba was in a really critical condition...I was having an outing back then. When she told me, my eyes started to fill by droplets of water...My friends were there, in I think it was not cool to cry in front of public. Back in my hostel, I sleep, to forget the problems. When I woke up, I checked my cell phone, I received lots of phone calls and texts. Baba passed away...I was bursting into tears. I quickly perform my Maghrib prayer, and read Surah Yaasin for him...

I cannot go to his house because I have no transport at that particular time...So I need to wait for the next morning to go to his funeral. I tried to wake up as early as I can, I took a bus to KL Central, and then took a train to Sungai Buloh. But I just couldn't make it to his burial ceremony.

In other words...I didn't have the chance to take a look at his face for the last time...To kiss his forehead for the first and last time...But now I don't have the chance anymore...T_T

The tears that I've been shedding until now just won't bring him back...


  1. be cool bro. we are His creation. to Him we will be back. worship towards Him n be prepare for our time

  2. Tabahkan diri menghadapi ujian!

  3. there is a reason for everything zul.,
    aku still ingat pagi tuh..
    be strong ya..

  4. lumrah alam setiap kelahiran pasti berakhir dengan kematian.

    sabarlah. ini semua ujian Allah.

  5. Baba will always be remembered. We will always miss Baba, as much as you do. Doa anak yang beriman akan terus sampai kepada ibu bapanya, tiada hijab. Sayang kamu!

  6. thanks guys...I must continue to live in this world, by facing problems just like him...I want to follow his strong will and spirit...