It's almost Raya. Isn't it?

Assalamualaikum and good morning

It's already 28th of Ramadan and after this we as Muslims gonna celebrate Eid or in Malay, Hari Raya.
And seriously I think I'm not gonna celebrate it too much this year. Maybe I think I don't deserve to celebrate the month of celebrations, after a month fasting from dawn to the dusk, everyday. But with exception for those who cannot fast in Ramadan for various reasons.

For kids, celebrating Raya would be meaningful IF they are fasting for the whole month, eventhough they didn't reach puberty yet.
I looked upon myself and asked myself.
I'm already 19 going 20, but then I only manage to fast, but not really doing things that may help me in gaining rewards or deeds from Allah S.W.T. such as Taraweeh prayer, recite the holy Quran, etc.
These things really make me awful as I can't keep on the momentum, and discipline myself in doing all those.
It should be like this...

Raya (kids) : 30 days of fasting
Raya (youth and adults) : 30 days of fasting + plus other things that lead to deeds/rewards

That's why I'm not enjoying Raya this time. I feel ashamed of myself. A LOT.

One more thing, I'm going to further my studies in UiTM. Yes, again. Last time I studied foundation in TESL for two semesters, and I'm on my way for degree in TESL.

Same course,
Same college (insya-Allah, I really hope I can stay in Meranti College until the end of degree),
Same faculty
Same university

For 5 years...=l
A year of foundation and 4 years of degree.

Here am I, 'busy' going online, playing video games, and handling these documents. *sigh*

Not to forget, I must get 3.5  and above because I already promised to her.
But actually I must get 3.75 above to enable me to change the PTPTN loan into scholarship and get the opportunity to study overseas. That's my dream, and if there's God will, I will bring her along with me.

And yeah, it's more than a month we've been together. I really hope we can make it until the end of our life.
27th of July is the date. I love you. Sorry for not being there for you. I'll change. I promise.

Anyway, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri for you guys. Forgive me for all the wrongdoings okay?
=)

P.S : I think I already 'retired' drom playing firecrackers, and that's why I can't stand hearing those firecrackers explodes. xD