Just To Relieve Myself =) [Part II]

Assalamualaikum and good morning

This is the continuation from the previous post, http://rojak-terbaik.blogspot.com/2011/08/just-to-relieve-myself.html. Just to reduce the pain that I feel inside...

X...she is still thinking about her ex-boyfriend. But I learned that the boy won't come back for her for several reasons. But she never gives up and I don't want her to hurt herself. The first time I liked her when she was another boy from her university, lets call him L. When she was still with L, I am the one who listened to her problems, helping her too. At that particular time, I was pitying her for her love problems and suddenly in my heart, I said that I won't hurt her feelings anymore if I had the chance to be with her.

But when I was too busy with my life, there comes her latest ex-boyfriend that she couldn't resist until now. So lets call him N. N leave him and make her life miserable. If I'm right, she got a total of 3 boyfriends that have made her life miserable, but I only mentioning two of them out of three.

I just won't do that to her...T_T...But now I'm hurt, deeply inside. She had made an incision to my heart as I was trying my best to mend her broken heart, to wipe her tears...I just wanna make her happy...But she still wants to end our relationship.

I just wanna be her hero...To make her happy. But when she did this to me, I am in pain, in a deep pain. I know that she still loves me, miss me because I love her and miss her too. She didn't want to be honest with herself by forcing herself to end this relationship. That's the worst part. Before this I'm in love with girls too, but they didn't want to accept my love and love me back. But X is different. Totally different and that's why my feelings for her growth rapidly and it just wouldn't stop.T_T....And for girls that accidentally in love with me, I'm sorry that I just can't create any love feeling for you guys...I'm sorry...My bad...

Here I am now craving for her love as I love her so much. I want to end her suffer. I don't want her to stuck up with other guys hurt herself again...I just can't let that happen...I want her to be safe with me. But if X and N goes back together, it's alright because I know N is better than me. The problem is, N would never go back to X. I don't want her to keep sad just because of N and to be hurt in the future, with other guys. I am sincerely loving her because I want to these things from happening.

She treats me like a man. I stopped smoking from 1st of August because of her. I'm afraid that if I am too much in pain, I will light up the cigarette back. Only she can stop me from doing this....I don't want to smoke, but the pain inside my chest, it is in my heart, forcing me to smoke to put out myself from heartache...T_T...I am like standing on a cliff and if I jump, I smoke again...only she can hold my hand, pull me close to her, and embrace me...

I don't want to jump...but...

She said I'm too good for her. I feel the opposite. I am not the best for her, but I want to make her happy with all my might. I've never been loved by a girl like this before. That's why I love her so much. I'm hoping that she will accept me back into her life as I feel very lonely and I'm hurt for every second, literally.

For now...I am so sad.
T_T

I'm failing...take my hand, I'll be there for you as long you don't leave me