Just To Relieve Myself =)

Assalamualaikum and good morning

I don't know why I'm doing this entry. Hahaha. For all the dear readers, sorry that I didn't make new posts for such a long time. There's a lot to tell to you guys, if you like to. But hey, give me sometime to crack up my brain. Somehow I am lost and I don't know how to start! xD

Recently, I was busy because I was fall in love again. I don't know why.

But somehow I chatted with her and we became closer than before. But I knew she can't forget her ex boyfriend. It's fine with me, because I realized that I must bare the consequences if I get closer to her. I don't know what to say but it seems that I love her so much. Another girl that I've been waiting for almost 4 years was vanished from my thought. Can you imagine, a girl that that I have been waiting from 15 years old until this year was out of my head.

To prevent things from become complicated, lets give the girl that I'm in love is, X. Before I told my mum about X, she was worried about my education since X always called and text me through my cell phone. She was worried that I couldn't focus on my studies. I was so daft at that time to tell X about this and later on, she told her mother that my my mother was worried. Got it? Later on that morning, I told my mother about X and she understands. If I can study hard and prove it to my mum by having good results in degree, that's fine. I told her I will manage my time wisely. Surprisingly, she is interested with X.

On the other hand, X's mother wants us to be friends because she's afraid that X will be blamed if I got bad results. X is so obedient to her mother because I told her to explain to her mum but she refuses. The relationship was getting worse when she still remember about the girl that I've waited before. She was accusing me and it hurts me a lot. Although I was accused, I don't ask her about her ex boyfriend because I know she just can't get over him yet.

I love her
I love her every second
I love her more everyday
I love her more than I can say
I love her so much
oh my God.....
I love her too much

I told her that I won't leave her. I have the responsibility for my own promises. I won't leave her like her previous boyfriends. But it turned out to be she's the one who want's to leave me. She said that she wants us to be friends. I'm just afraid that I will lost her love after this and she will find another guy. My heart is not a toy to play with. Once I'm in love, deeply, I tried so heard that my chest will be in pain until she truly doesn't have any feelings for me. One more thing, our friend, a boy is always disturb her. I already told X that I want to tell to the boy that she's mine, but she is just too kind, didn't want to hurt his heart.

My mom knows about us, her parents know about us. I already challenged myself to have good results so that I will get the chance to study abroad, along with her. Besides, with her motivation, I managed to stop smoking since the first of Ramadhan. There's a lot of things that she managed to make me change, and I don't want all the changes go to waste if I'm too sad with this relationship. I hope she really thinks properly of every actions that she's doing for our relationship. I really serious about this. All of these are not only promises, but I will prove it. As long as she's still loves me. If she loves another guy, then I have to give up for this relationship.

I hope she can accept me back although I am not as handsome as the other guys. I am a bad guy. I do have lots of problems in my life. There are so many defects within me. But, I love her with all my heart. I miss her so deeply when she's not around me. She's the one who understands me and want to hear all my abstruse problems.

Only Allah knows my feelings for her
=')